That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
