its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
