I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
