How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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