Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
