it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
