My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
