I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
