The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
