i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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