i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
