Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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