when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
two words: eviction party
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
