I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
