I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
