Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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