We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
