omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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