Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
