he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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