i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
