I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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