You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
