Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
