4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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