i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
