Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
