It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like eating out sand paper
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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