yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize