the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
