The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
