You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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