Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
