he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
