the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
