You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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