that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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