Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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