i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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