the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
