walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
