Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
