How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
