Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
