She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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