So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
