So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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