It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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