I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
