So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
