i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
