thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize