I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize