Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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