handjob tips. give me some.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
