can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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