dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
