I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
