this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
