i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
