i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
