the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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