I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
