he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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