I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize