Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
