Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth

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(905): View more from Ontario

I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"

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(416): View more from Toronto

At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?

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(530): View more from California

Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.

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(253): View more from Washington

she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.

(206): View more from Washington

so that's what that room is for...

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(908): View more from New Jersey

He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.

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(949): View more from California

Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?

(714): View more from California

OMG YOU DID TO?!

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