your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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