Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
