There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
