I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
