I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
