i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she told me i tasted like america
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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