I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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