i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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