Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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