Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
