I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
