Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
