Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
