Sober January is a disaster.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
